At the Beginning
by anonymous7
Summary: What follows the kiss in ATWS.


At the Beginning  
  
Summary: What follows the kiss in ATWS.  
  
Timeframe: Immediately following the tag in "All the World's a Stage"  
  
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. The prologue comes, in its entirety, from "All the World's a Stage" Any inconsistencies with that episode are the fault of my memory.  
  
This story, however, is mine. Please don't archive it without my permission.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Feedback: All is welcome.  
  
Author's Notes: As stated above, this story contains a spoiler for "All the World's a Stage." It also, in much less detail, contains a spoiler for "Ship of Spies". I think I stayed in canon, but may be wrong. This is my first fanfic. And it's done without a beta as I'm unsure how to get one, precisely what they do, or if I need one.  
  
I've had lots of fun reading other's stories. Hope someone derives the same pleasure from this.  
  
  
  
Prologue  
  
Lee took a deep breath as he reached behind him to close the door. He knew that the time was right. Now, if he could only get the words out past the damn lump in his throat. "Amanda." he started, and then immediately stopped as he saw her turn and look at him expectantly. He moved toward her slowly, hoping he looked more confident than he felt. "You and I have a lot to talk about."  
  
"We do?" Amanda questioned. She thought she knew what he was talking about, but she had been given too many "We-are-not-emotionally-involved" lectures to make this easy on him. She was tired of looking like a love- sick puppy (even if she had to admit the description was not as far from the truth as she would have liked).  
  
Lee took another deep breath and began again. "We have been getting to know each other for what? Three years now?" He relaxed somewhat as she joined him in saying "three years." "And I think there's still a lot about you I don't know." He placed his hands on her shoulders and suddenly all his nervousness left him. This was Amanda. She would never laugh at him or make him feel foolish. And looking into her eyes he knew she was just as ready to move forward as he was. "But I think I would sure enjoy finding out."  
  
As he leaned forward to kiss her, he heard Billy call out, "Francine, is Lee in the Q-Bureau?"  
  
"I think so." Francine replied and Lee backed up toward the door and locked it. He shook his head slightly, and whispered quietly, "No. Not this time." He was tired of all the interruptions. He looked back over at Amanda shyly as Billy called out their names. Would she respond? But she didn't say a word, just watched as Lee cautiously approached her.  
  
Suddenly he felt like a 12-year old boy about to have his first kiss. He hesitated, carefully studying her face. Amanda laughed quietly as she ran her hands up his lapels. "Yes." The word was a mere whisper, but all the invitation Lee needed. He leaned forward and captured her lips with his own.  
  
  
  
The door closed softly behind her.  
  
"Hello, dear" her mother called from the kitchen.  
  
"Hello, Mother" she called back. Then beginning again before her mother could interrupt, "If you don't mind I'm going to take a bath. I've had a long day and I have to go to dinner with my boss tonight." Amanda said as she headed upstairs. She closed her bedroom door behind her and leaned against it heavily. It had been a long day.  
  
That kiss.  
  
She should have been prepared for it. She had certainly had enough time. But, no, all the time in the world would not have been able to prepare her for the feeling of his lips touching hers. Voluntarily, that is. Certainly this wasn't the first time that they had kissed. But this time there were no excuses. No way to minimize it - trivialize it. Funny what a difference that made.  
  
As she started the bath water running, she tried to quiet her thoughts. Picking a comb off her dresser, she pinned up her chestnut brown curls. She slid her trim form into the tub and closed her eyes, willing herself to relax.  
  
Where was this leading? That was the real reason her heart was beating as it was. She knew his past, had heard the stories. Was she willing to be his Amanda-baby? Share a few kisses, more if she was willing, and then have it all end in a few days? Would they still be friends when it was over if she was okay with it?  
  
She just didn't know. She was unwilling to give up having him in her life. On that she would stand firm.  
  
But she would do it. If all he wanted was a brief indiscretion, she would do that. It wasn't what she wanted. Not by a long shot. But a few brief moments.well, they would be wonderful while they lasted. Besides, she smiled, it would be worth the look on his face when she didn't crumble at the end. When she made it seem like this is what she had wanted all along.  
  
Yes, she could do this. As long as they would be friends when it was over. She really needed to make that clear before they went any further.  
  
Her thoughts settled, she pulled herself out of the tub and began to get ready for her date.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, across town.  
  
With the water from the showerhead beating down on his broad chest, he smiled. "Amanda" he thought.  
  
That kiss.  
  
It was better than he had anticipated. He was foolish for being so hesitant. This was what he wanted. This would make him happy.  
  
He thought back to San Angelo. At the time they'd been friends, but not like now. He still thought of her as a divorced mother of two and never stopped to think that to be a divorced mother of two she would need to also be a woman.  
  
He'd been cocky at the time as well. He knew she'd had a crush of sorts on him when they first met and that had faded. Lee Stetson was not used to women losing interest in him even if he discouraged them. He had thought he'd kiss her and she would again look at him as she had when they first met. Almost like hero-worship.  
  
But it hadn't happened that way. As he had so many times in the past, he had underestimated her. He was the one surprised by the kiss, not wanting it to end. When he had to break away to come up for air he'd leaned back to kiss her again, barely remembering in time who he was with and why they were kissing in the first place. As they walked back up the aisle, he'd kept thinking, "Where did she learn to kiss like that?"  
  
He smiled again now, remembering how soft her lips had been, how hot her breath. The warmth that surged through his body as they kissed was so different from anything he'd felt before.  
  
Since that kiss he'd been finding it increasingly difficult, if not downright impossible, to remember that she was just a divorced housewife from the suburbs, just Amanda. He smiled. "Just Amanda." That was an oxymoron if he'd ever heard one. There was nothing "just" about Amanda.  
  
Lee found himself reaching for her hand when they were out, guiding her with his hand at the small of her back just to touch her. Each time he did, he felt a little of the warmth he'd felt when they'd kissed. A warmth he couldn't define, but was finding it harder and harder to do without.  
  
He had tried to deny it - dating other women, pushing Amanda away whenever he thought she was might be getting too close, but it was no use. Other women seemed boring and insipid to him now. He loved to hear her laugh, see her smile, just be with her more and more.  
  
And today in the Q-bureau, when he'd held her in his arms and felt her soft lips moving beneath his, he'd felt that warmth like never before. He still couldn't define it, but it was like sunshine and happiness and he never wanted to be without it again.  
  
  
  
Lee stood at the backdoor of the house on Maplewood Drive. He knew he should go to the front door, Amanda had told him she was going to tell her mother they were working late, but he just felt more comfortable at the back door. He smiled slightly as he recalled that it was on this back porch that they'd shared what he considered their first kiss. He knocked lightly on the door, half expecting Amanda to be waiting for him in the kitchen.  
  
Philip answered the door. "Mr. Stetson?" he questioned. "Are you Mom's boss?"  
  
"Yes, I am. You must be Philip." Lee extended his hand to the boy.  
  
"Why didn't you come to the front door?" the teenager asked logically.  
  
Lee froze, not knowing what to say, when he heard Amanda call out, "Philip, don't treat Mr. Stetson to an inquisition." Suddenly she appeared before him in the kitchen and he found he still could not find his voice. She looked lovely. Simple really - he'd told her to dress casually. She was wearing a soft pink skirt and a white blouse with her hair falling loose to her shoulders. In reality, she didn't look any different than normal, and yet Lee found he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Like now that he allowed himself to admit how beautiful she was, it was a surprise to him.  
  
Amanda smiled at him, but didn't notice his discomfiture. She grabbed Philip in a big hug. "Now go finish your homework and then join your brother in going to sleep. When your grandmother gets out of her bath, tell her that I may be home late and she shouldn't wait up."  
  
"Okay, Mom. Have a good time. Nice to meet you, Mr. Stetson."  
  
Lee came out of his daze as he felt Amanda take his hand. "Yes, nice to meet you, Philip" he responded as Amanda reached behind them to close the door.  
  
They moved towards Lee's car hand in hand without saying another word. As Lee reached to open the passenger-side door for Amanda he quietly looked into her eyes. "You are beautiful" he said and then kissed her lightly on the lips.  
  
She smiled at him shyly before turning to get into the car.  
  
The ride towards the restaurant was quiet with each lost in thought. Amanda found herself repeating "Whatever he wants. I can do this." over and over again, like it was a mantra. Lee was getting more and more nervous as each moment passed. This was a big step for him and he knew it. He knew if he wasn't careful, he'd make some mistake and lose Amanda. Suddenly, he knew he had to tell her now, let her know that he needed help, that he wanted this to work. Trying to keep his voice steady, Lee reached for Amanda's hand. "Amanda, do you mind if we put off dinner a little bit longer and talk for a little bit?"  
  
"Sure, Lee." Amanda responded wondering what he wanted to talk about.  
  
"How about we go back to my apartment?"  
  
Amanda nodded, not sure what to say. He wasn't even going to take her to dinner first? Maybe she couldn't do this. A night with Lee Stetson would be wonderful, but if he couldn't even treat her to dinner first - what must he think of her? Amanda tried hard to remember that this was Lee, her best friend, and he would never knowingly hurt her, but she couldn't quell the thoughts running through her mind.  
  
They walked into his apartment together and Lee took Amanda's coat while she sat on the couch trying to pretend she was just there to work late, hoping that would quiet her beating heart.  
  
Lee fought the urge to pace, and in an effort to busy his hands went to pour himself a glass of wine. "Wine, Amanda?" he asked and turned to see her nod her head slightly. 'Is she okay? She seems afraid of me.' he thought, but dismissed the thought as foolish. How could Amanda be afraid of him? He just needed to tell her his fears and they could go back to being comfortable with each other once again. He was sure of it.  
  
He handed her a glass of wine and sat next to her on the couch. "Amanda," he began, reaching for her hand. She glanced up at him waiting for him to continue and he found himself getting lost in her eyes. There were tears on the surface, brightening the brown orbs and without thinking, as she closed her eyes, he leaned forward and kissed each of her eyelids and then quietly moved to her mouth. As the kiss deepened, Lee knew he needed to stop. He didn't want this to go this way. He wanted to go slowly and savor every minute. He wanted to talk to her first. This had to go right. He would only have one chance and he had no intention of doing this incorrectly.  
  
He backed away slowly and as he did, he caught sight of her face. Tear tracks marred her make-up, streaking her cheeks. Amanda pulled her hand out of his and brought her hands up to her face to hide her tears. "I'm sorry" she whispered so quietly Lee almost didn't hear her. "I thought I could do this, but I can't." Amanda took a deep breath to go on, but found that she couldn't, and covered her face once again as she cried.  
  
Lee was unsure what was going on. He moved closer to her, whispering, "What can't you do, Amanda? Whatever it is, just tell me. Please don't cry." His gut hurt watching her in pain and knowing he must be the cause, but not knowing why.  
  
Amanda continued to cry quietly, every once in a while she would try to speak, but just couldn't get the words out.  
  
Lee moved closer still, sitting slightly behind her and moving her brown curls off her neck. Without thought, his lips brushed the back of her neck and he inhaled her scent. "Oh Amanda" he whispered "I love you."  
  
Suddenly, both Amanda and Lee sat straight up. Lee gulped huge breathes of air. He hadn't intended to say that. He knew it was true, but he wanted to take this slowly and telling Amanda he loved her on their first date was not slowly.  
  
"What?" Amanda breathed, barely wanting to speak.  
  
Lee looked at her tenderly, her face still covered with tears. He would back-track. That's what he would do. "Amanda, please don't cry." he said again, once again taking both her hands in his. "You are my best friend and the most amazing woman I know. I just want this to be perfect. Please don't cry."  
  
Amanda watched him with wide-eyes trying to discern what was going on. Had Lee told her he loved her? She felt like she was on very unsure ground. She didn't know what it was Lee expected or wanted.  
  
Letting go of her hands, Lee moved his hands to her face. Looking at the tears in her eyes, Lee's nervousness disappeared. He was solely focused on trying to make Amanda smile once again. His thumbs tenderly brushed the tears from her face. "Amanda, I need your help. I'm so worried about doing something wrong or moving too fast or too slow or ." suddenly Lee ran out of words.  
  
"Lee?" Amanda was starting to understand, but wanted to be sure.  
  
Suddenly, Lee needed the focus to be off of him. "What is it you can't do?" he asked quietly.  
  
Amanda took a deep breath. She thought of not responding, but decided that their friendship had always been based on honesty and trust. That was really the best policy now. She took a deep breath trying to get her thoughts across clearly. "Well, you know. I know what you expect." she trailed off, embarrassed at her thoughts, but Lee's quizzical look and slight squeeze of her hands urged her to continue. "I know what your relationships are normally like and well, I guess I thought ." Amanda trailed off once more.  
  
"You thought." Lee, too, trailed off, embarrassed himself that she would even think that. Yet, like before, in trying to reassure Amanda he found his nervousness abated. "Amanda," he grabbed both her hands firmly, "any man who wanted less of you than you were willing to give would be a fool. You are amazing, Amanda King. Smart, brave, and beautiful. And I know that I haven't been honest with either of us in the past, but I would not give up one moment of the time we've spent together to be with anyone else. I need your help because I want this relationship to be different. I want to be with you for as long as you want me around." As he finished, Lee's voice quieted to just above a whisper. Amanda watched him intently throughout his monologue and then found she couldn't do much else as he finished. She was so overwhelmed.  
  
Lee watched her silently, suddenly wondering if he had said too much. Feeling like he might cry he closed his eyes and began to pull away embarrassed when suddenly he felt her lips on his, softly at first, and then more demanding. Lee's hands moved around her shoulders and tangled in her hair, the familiar warmth moving through his form once more.  
  
Amanda moved away long enough to whisper "Well, then, I hope you plan to be around a long time." before moving to kiss him once more.  
  
Suddenly, Lee broke away to gaze into her eyes. "It's like coming home." he said.  
  
"What?" Amanda asked, confused at the non sequitur.  
  
"I couldn't determine what it was. This warmth I feel when I kiss you or hold your hand." Lee rambled on, so excited to be able to define this feeling that he forgot to feel self-conscious at his words. "But I just realized. I feel cared for and comfortable. Like coming home."  
  
Amanda wanted to cry for the man sitting before her for whom coming home was so odd a concept that he had trouble identifying it. She smiled softly at him, "It feels that way to me, too."  
  
  
  
Epilogue  
  
Lee took a deep breath as he reached behind him to close the door. He could hear the music playing in the other room and knew Amanda could hear it as well. The timing might seem odd for some, but he knew that it was right. Now, if he could only get the words out past the lump in his throat. "Amanda." he started, and then immediately stopped as he saw her turn and look at him expectantly. He moved toward her slowly, hoping he looked more confident than he felt.  
  
Lee took another deep breath. "Amanda." he started again, and then began to laugh. "I don't know why I'm so darn nervous." Amanda laughed with him, taking his hand in hers.  
  
Just as he started to talk again, they heard Jamie call, "Philip, where are Mom and Lee? Are they in there?"  
  
"I think so." Philip replied and Lee backed up toward the door and locked it. He shook his head slightly, and whispered quietly, "No. Not this time." He looked back over at Amanda to see her smile as her sons called out their names. Would she respond? But she didn't say a word, just watched as Lee approached her.  
  
Waiting until it was clear the boys had gone in search of them elsewhere, Amanda smiled and whispered, "I think we've been here before."  
  
Lee smiled back, "Yes, we have. And if this is the start of another 50 years, I'd be only too happy to start again. Amanda," he began again, looking more serious, "I want to thank you. I know I don't say it often enough, but I don't even like to imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't asked you to give the package to the man in the red hat. Dead long before now, probably. Definitely not as happy. You've given me a family and a home, which is more than I deserve. And then additionally, you give me your love every single day. I don't deserve you, and I want you to know that I know that."  
  
"Sweetheart," Amanda placed a warm hand on Lee's cheek. "You've given me just as much. Within moments of meeting you, I dreamed of a better life for myself and with your help, I have it. If I hadn't taken that package, I would have been happy. I know I would have. But compared to how my life turned out . well, I would have been happy, but definitely short- changed. I can picture my life without you, but what I see makes me sad. I would have had my boys and maybe I would have married Dean, but I would never have known what I was missing. How much I could love another or be loved, what I was capable of professionally. You've given me so much, Lee. I am the one indebted to you."  
  
Lee leaned down to kiss his wife firmly just as Jamie and Philip determined that their parents had to be in that first room they'd tried.  
  
"Mom? Lee" they tried again.  
  
Lee opened the door. "Sorry, fellas. Your mom and I just needed a few minutes alone."  
  
"We're ready to cut the cake now." Jamie explained.  
  
"We'll be right there, Jamie." Amanda replied as she waved to Jamie's wife, Susan who was coming up behind them.  
  
"You'd better be there soon, Mom. You guys cheated us out of a real wedding, so you're going to have to put up with all the trappings at your Golden Anniversary party." Philip explained.  
  
"Yes, sir." Lee smiled, in mock salute. As the boys walked away to join their wives, Lee leaned down to capture Amanda's lips once more. "Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Stetson." he whispered.  
  
"Happy Anniversary, Scarecrow." she whispered back. With a final kiss, they moved off to join their family and friends. 


End file.
